T Morris Photography » photos, words, life, story, inspiration

lost and found

I was getting out of my car the other day and found this guy on the car floor, near my seat. I brought him and set him on our kitchen table.

It’s like he wanted to come in. Like he has a story to tell. Can’t you see his big heavy sigh? His downward glance? I’m pretty sure at night, when the lights are off and everyone is in bed, I can hear him talking to his reflection.

So then…someone shoved me into a puddle of glue and slammed me against a paper plate, completely knocking me out. When I came to, I was on the floor of some lady’s car, fearful for my life! Of course I was easily freed from the paper plate (typical substandard Sunday school glue), but still you have no idea how hard it is to be this small and cute, and yellow…

 

I know, that sounds crazy. So this is what happens at the end of May, when everybody plans everything in the last two weeks and I am running around helping with this and helping with that, and attending this party and that party…I begin to lose my marbles.

But that’s okay.

Lose a marble, find a pom pom.

It’s all good.

 

 

 

p.s. Thank you for all for sharing your thoughts on Wednesday’s post. Loved hearing what you had to say, especially since I know that some of it was a moment to risk being vulnerable.

p.p.s. Our Memorial Day weekend is completely open and free. Is that a total miracle or what? We’re thinking of taking a day trip to San Francisco one day and then have lunch with friends on Monday. I cannot remember a Memorial Day weekend like this. Hoping that it will restore my marble count.

 

 

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Heather M. - this post made me laugh. i actually thought, “geez, i wish i was as creative and thoughtful as tracey.” i would have just seen that little guy and threw him in the trash all the while muttering to myself that i’m the only one around here who cares about trying to keep things clean and i’m so tired of all this crap lying around. and i may have had a cynical comment about the substandard Sunday school glue as well. ;)

i hope you have a wonderful weekend! so glad you have a long weekend with NOTHING on the calendar – that sounds like a gift. and i’d love to take a ‘day trip’ with my family to SF too.

Rebekah - He’s really adorable, actually…once you assign him a particular personality. The sigh did it for me. : ) Today is the kids’ last day of school and I have to make 4 separate trips to the school today because of all their parties ending at separate times and no one (including me) wants to spend 4 hours toting younger siblings to the older siblings’ parties. ick. BUT! Our weekend looks the same as yours – 3 WHOLE DAYS of white space on my calendar! I’m putting absolutely nothing into those spaces. Here comes summer! …Brace yourselves.

stacey - I am so looking forward to about two weeks from now. Freedom.

And how awesome that you can just pop on up to San Francisco on your holiday weekend. I hope you have a wonderful free weekend with your fam. xo

instagram killed the blog-o-sphere star

I joined the blogging world in the beginning of 2009. I loved having a space that I could call my own, share my photos with family and friends, write words I did not know I had. For a year I posted a photo every day, doing a “365″… even though I had no idea at the time that “365″ was actually a fancy, fun term for such a project. I just thought taking a photo every day would improve my skills. Discovering I had words to put to my photos was a nice surprise.

Over the next few years I posted hundreds of photos, wrote thousands of words, shared a bit of my heart and my thoughts, and sought to encourage a reader or two along the way. One of the greatest gifts I found were the friendships of other bloggers who shared a similar love for photography. I “met” many blogging friends in this place called the Internet. I visited their blogs, read their words, commented on their photos and stories. I felt privileged to enter into their lives and see just a slice of who they were, albeit that “slice” was contained to a daily post with photos that captured very brief moments. I was (and still am) aware that what I saw in their posts, and what I shared in mine, were tid bits of their larger life picture. And even though I felt I “knew” some of the people through their stories and photos I was cognizant of the fact that I knew only what they projected. (Because honestly, everyone has her own threshold of vulnerability, comfortableness, and need for privacy when it comes to posting her life on the Internet…for all to see.) But still, I appreciated those bloggers who invited us into see the reality of their lives, rather than the perfect ones we often believed they lived.

I know there are many things since the advent of social media, and especially blogging, that have caused us all to realize that our culture has become pretty obsessed with over exposing ourselves. But there is a part of blogging that I have always appreciated: it has given us the ability to connect with those in this world who have the same interests and passions, to be inspired and encouraged along the way in our stories. Until I began blogging, I was chugging along, alone, in my pursuit of photography, trying to learn my camera, wondering how “others” out there were doing it and what they were producing. Because I was not taking any photo classes I was completely disconnected from the larger global community of others who shared my passion. Once I began posting my photos and sharing with words I valued anybody who would stop by and comment and encourage me along the way.

So when it seemed like a natural progression of creative exploration to begin using the camera on my phone, I joined the Instagram community to share my passion there. I created a profile and began to post photos there—mostly photos of my daily travels, of things that I saw, of beautiful light—all of which would have been passed over if I did not have my big heavy camera with me. I enjoyed the ease of carrying my iphone around and being able to capture photos in that intsa-second, share it with my insta-friends. Yes there were times when I realized I picked up my “real” camera less but I still loved to come and share here. I was a blogger who Instagrammed  on the side. I loved both, but I loved blogging more. But somewhere in the last several months of Instagraming I have sensed this sadness creep inside me. While I still love a good scroll through Instagram, I feel like a shift has happened. Maybe I am completely off the mark, but I feel as if people are blogging less and Insta’ing more. (You should see my spell check trying to correct all my iterations of the word “instagram”.)

If I could create a picture for you…

It’s kind of like we were all at a blogging party and then a few people got up to leave and carried the party elsewhere. Though if I could be a bit more specific…we were all at a blogging party and the cool kids got up and left to go have a Tumblr party, and then some others went off to start an Instagram party. Everyone seemed to be jumping up and racing to the next “great thing” in the hopes of amassing followers so they could be seen, and “known”. Meanwhile a few of us were still in the blogging party still trying to keep it alive. Though the balloons were sagging and the chips and dip were all gone.

If this picture is really true, just call me the old lady barking at the young whipper snappers: pull your pants up! I may sound funny, but I just feel that in the madness of our insta-culture it seems we have now reduced our lives to even smaller bits. In smaller snapshots, in fewer words…all reduced to being viewed by the world in the time it takes to flick a finger up the screen of my phone. Even though we are sharing a lot more of our lives than ever before (photos of our lunch, our babies crying, our daily choice of outfits), and even though we are documenting our stories in ways that are creative and imaginative (via filters and textures), the truth is that our Insta-lives are shared in milliseconds…in a finger flick. Does that not seem sad to you? It feels to me like a false sense of connection. Which is a bit comical for me to say, I know. Hey! Remember the time when we used to write letters to each other, and meet for lunches, or sit on the front porches of our houses and talk about the neighbors? Now I’m complaining that we don’t blog enough. What is this world coming to?!

Now, I recognize that there are those who could care less about “connection”, unless it gains them followers. So if that’s you, this ranting doesn’t really pertain to you. And there are some that are perfectly happy with the amount of “connection” Instagram offers, or does not offer. I also know that some use Instagram for more than sharing their lives. Some use it to share their art work or their business. Which is amazing to me that we have so many avenues of ways to put our work out into the universe, to connect to other like-minded folk. And there are those that actually love the insta’ness factor. It’s a great way to capture family moments so that you have a documentation of your lives together. Which is also amazing. (Remember when our documentation was confined to the number of photos we had on our film roll? And then we had to wait for the film to be developed?) But, there are many of us bloggers, who used to share our photos and lives via blogging, who use Instagram because it’s just easier. It is easier to capture and share our lives in that moment rather than sitting down after the kids go to bed to write up a blog post. (This isn’t a judgement. I completely get it. As I type this, it is 10:56pm and I need to crawl into bed.) But, and I offer this as a confession, some of us might also feel that in order to stay “current” we need to go where the party is. No one likes to be left alone picking at the chip crumbs at the bottom of the party chip bowl. The ease of Instagram is sort of an excuse for just trying to “fit in”. (Although, as a friend of mine said, even though you show up to that new party, you discover that the new cool kids still won’t talk to you there either.) Or maybe, it all just comes down to the fact that Instagram fits better into your life. You are glad that blogging has dropped off people’s radars because now you do not have to feel the pressure to keep up in that space. Whatever the reason for the change of party venue, I still feel sad.

Just the other day I visited a friend’s blog. I left a comment that I was thrilled to pop over and see that she had posted something because I truly loved her photo work and wished I could see it more. She commented back to me that she was lamenting her lack of blogging because she was spending all of her time over in Instagram. My first thought was that she is one of the growing number of bloggers I know who have expressed this similar experience. I cannot tell you how many times I have read this on blogs: sorry I haven’t been here in this space in a while…I’ve been spending more time over on Instagram…you can follow me there!  I replied to my friend that the lure of Instagram, in its “insta-ness”, seemed to be causing a shift.

I said it was like Instagram killed the blog-o-sphere star. (Ugh, I know this reference completely dates me, but I did tell her that I swore I’d blog about it someday.)

They took the credit for your second symphony. 
Rewritten by machine and new technology, 
and now I understand the problems you can see.

Pictures came and broke your heart…

Please don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy posting a photo or two a day on Instagram. I like to see what others are creating. I even have some far away friends that I love to share those tid bits of my life with, and I love to see theirs! But for this girl, I am still here. I am hanging on for the love of what I can do in this space, that I cannot do in Instagram. When you only have a finger flick of another person’s time, it’s hard to pour out your thoughts and words underneath an Instagram photo. Almost like throwing pearls before swine. It’s also hard for me because I love to often post a series of photos that share a story. With Instagram defining my story telling space in the format of one little square, it’s hard to give up this space where I can post photos and write to my heart’s content.

I know it takes much more effort and time to visit this space here, but I cannot tell you much it means to me that you stop by and give me more than a finger flick.

 

 

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Chris Davis - Wow – longtime follower here, first time “poster”! I have noticed that people post less and less on their blogs these days. There is one blog I just adore and the lady hasn’t posted in a about a year – I truly miss her photography and stories. I haven’t even make a posting on my own blog in a long while. I use Instagram but I try to make a point to still print those Instagram photos which are “worthy” – many (most!) aren’t. What I often find myself thinking about is all the photos people are taking and posting to those temporal sites like Instagram and Facebook. I think in recent years we have been fooled to believe that these places will be around forever and our storage of photos and our lives histories in our phones and computers will always be there, but it can be gone in a an instant. I’d like to believe that people who blog seriously, and most in photoblogs, take the time to print out their work and plan for the future. Of course, I could be very wrong, too. I think as a whole, society is being swallowed by technology and it is a sad thing because most don’t recognize it is happening. Many, many elements are blessings, but time and tide wait for no man and that is easily forgotten while wrapped up in the instant gratification which these venues bring into our lives.

Chris - Wow – longtime follower here, first time “poster”! I have noticed that people post less and less on their blogs these days. There is one blog I just adore and the lady hasn’t posted in a about a year – I truly miss her photography and stories. I haven’t even make a posting on my own blog in a long while. I use Instagram but I try to make a point to still print those Instagram photos which are “worthy” – many (most!) aren’t. What I often find myself thinking about is all the photos people are taking and posting to those temporal sites like Instagram and Facebook. I think in recent years we have been fooled to believe that these places will be around forever and our storage of photos and our lives histories in our phones and computers will always be there, but it can be gone in a an instant. I’d like to believe that people who blog seriously, and most in photoblogs, take the time to print out their work and plan for the future. Of course, I could be very wrong, too. I think as a whole, society is being swallowed by technology and it is a sad thing because most don’t recognize it is happening. Many, many elements are blessings, but time and tide wait for no man and that is easily forgotten while wrapped up in the instant gratification which these venues bring into our lives.

Roy Hovey - Provocative and interesting stuff again Tracy. I think we’ll all reach a wall at some point as technology races ahead at its breakneck pace. I for one prefer “old fashioned” web sites I can design and control, and blogs, though Pineterest currently intrigues me as an avenue to put up the fabric of my life for family to ponder if I can limit viewers. Oh how I wonder how you did the shot above with you in all those reflections. That is SO cool. Any hints? Be Well! papaROYzzi

andrea - I originally joined the blogging scene for all the “right reasons” so to speak – share my thoughts and life and photos with the world out there. Whomever those people might be. And then it turned into what I can only describe as what feels like a popularity contest – who has the most followers and who gets comments, who has a photography business, who takes the pretty pictures, etc. And while I got caught up in that (being the insecure person that I am…) I don’t like blogging for that reason anymore. I mean, clearly, I’m still blogging. But truth be told – I don’t think anybody cares to see my photos or read my words. Maybe that’s a reflection of this mid-life crisis stage of my life right now. I see people regularly commenting on other peoples’ blogs, but not mine, and I wonder “why?”…. Blogging has fed my into my self-doubt and feelings that I’m not enough; that I don’t really matter. But IG – I feel much more of a connection there. Maybe because I don’t share deep personal thoughts that then get left with no one commenting. It’s funny because the blog posts where I feel I’ve shared deep, personal parts of myself are often left with me hearing crickets. And I walk away going, “Yep. Certainly not doing that again. The people I thought cared, obviously don’t care.” I guess it boils down to this – since I share FAR more of my SELF blogging, I expect more from my readers and the people who say they are my blogging friends. I don’t share much except happy little snippets of my dog and son and weird parts of my daily life on IG, so I don’t expect much of anything from anyone there. And yet, I feel much stronger connection to some of the people I “know” thru IG then via blogging.
It’s a weird thing. I’m the person who has always, ALWAYS felt that any personal connection is a two way street. I can give and give and give, but if no one comes and meets me where I’m standing, arms open, ready to give of myself – the relationship will go nowhere. It takes two to tango. And I’m often the girl left standing there at that half-way point, alone.
Blogging, IG, FB, etc – it’s all just a popularity contest at the end of the day. I’ve never been the popular girl. Never have been and never will be. I’m pretty cynical about it all now. I’ve stopped commenting on a lot of blogs. I’ve taken a step back from it all. Not worth my time to try to win-over the popular bloggers and try to get them to comment more on my posts. I’m over it. And I’m okay with it now.
And I will get off my soap-box now! LOL. Sorry for the long, ranting comment.

rhonda - I have lots to say too and I’m not sure I’ll get it all written down right. I totally wanted to be on IG cause that’s where everyone seemed to go. And I do post a lot of pictures there now and I blog less. But in my life right now that seems to be because of my babies. I want to blog more. I love the sharing too. I love the writing. And yes it is a tad depressing when no one connects with you cause that seems to be a lot of the point. I really liked your thoughts on the cool kids and totally kinda hit it on the head for me. It’s silly that I cared about that but to be honest I did. And who CARES! It’s so silly.
I love reading your blog. I love your writing style and your pictures! It’s funny that I feel connected but at the same time isolated. It’s a strange place to be.

Naomi - Hmmm i dont even know what to say because i have so much to say. Ha. First off, i love perusing other’s blogs. Like yours, for example. I am just a bad commenter. So please know i do stop by and give you more than a finger flick. These days, im having this internal struggle with blogging and photography. So i have done much, much less. I started blogging for my family as they all do not live near us. Pretty soon it became about followers and comments etc… But now, i am just so over that. Right now, i blog when i feel like it or am inspired. Which is not often lol. Maybe when im done being pregnant ill have a change of heart.
Oh and instagram, the only reason i love it is because it is just so darn convenient. And ive seen some pretty amazing images on it which is impressive to me. Im lazy so to just pull out my phone is a breeze. :) i love the little bits of peoples lives too. Ok, im done :)

janet - I love reading your blog and seeing your IG posts. I blog twice a month because of the Linked friends and even they don’t all leave a comment, so I figure, why bother.
Instagram and projectlife365 have made me notice my surroundings and take an interest in them. I also feel that my skills are improving and I enjoy seeing what inspires other people. Sometimes, no matter what you do, you can’t make people include you.

Jean - I remember when “Xanga” was popular (2004, yes, I blogged back then, too. I’m loyal to blogging or so I want to think so) and I got a lot of friends to blog then that died and then in 2010, I discovered Blogspot and don’t know why I quit blogging. I’ve always been known to journal, typing (online or word) or writing, I enjoy it. Instagram is instant and I like that. Most times, I don’t even upload photos right away because I don’t like ppl knowing where I am that second. I usually wait to share later (I get a little paranoid about stalkers). I also purposely have so many MB for my internet use so I don’t always have to be “connect.” I think there is a purpose for everything… Facebook has gotten mundane and I basically only do that to check up with my sisters and do conference chats (silly, I know). Tumblr is fun, but I don’t get too into it… Even Pinterest… Someone told me why I wasn’t on it because I’m so “crafty.” But really, my honest opinion is that I have met some of the most creative and humble people via blogging. I also feel that bloggers put more “love” into their work. I feel they actually do care and have “real” feelings. Insta sorta feels like you don’t have to put much work, just do and be done. Blogging, you have to proof read and sometimes, that’s like 200+ words!!

Regardless, I think that blogging is my favorite because I always go back to blogging no matter what comes along, myspace, facebook, pinterest, instagram… blogging will always be number one. =)

stacey - The thing I love about instagram is seeing little bits of the lives of my friends that they don’t normally blog. For some reason seeing how you are spending your day makes me feel a bit more connected to you even though we live thousands of miles apart.

At first I followed a bunch of people on instagram. Those photographers that I love, thinking maybe, just maybe, I would “like” one of their photos or comment on one of their photos and they would notice me. Silly, I know. Your comment about the cool kids not talking to you there, either…yep. And I’ve since realized that I no longer care about that. And I’ve since greatly limited my instagram followings and don’t get too caught up in it.

Blogging will always be first in my heart. I agree with you. I am still here, too. I love blogging. I love reading your blog and the blogs of my friends. I love having a little space to document our story and to share my thoughts. It’s how I met you and I’m so grateful for that.

Heather M. - I’d just like to say that the internet is evil. The whole damn thing. ;)

Okay, fine, it’s not evil, it’s neutral. I just have never been able to find a balance, no matter what form it takes. That’s the hardest part for me.

I so get what you are saying about “insta” everything. It seems like it’s the way of our culture and it’s hard. I so value and appreciate that you still blog and that you put so much time and effort into each post.

I have a million thoughts rolling around in my head lately about all this stuff but haven’t figured anything out enough to put into a coherent thought. I just know for this season of my life, the thought of blogging overwhelms me so it’s on hold.

And you know how I feel about leaving comments on your blog. *Ahem, blog-commenting-paralysis* Wish I could make things sound as beautiful and profound as you.

Erika - The thing about me is that, I have no iPhone but only a desktop computer, which means I have to sit still in front of it to do things.
Btw, the YouTube movie link doesn’t open on my side… But is it “video killed radio star”? I thought about this song when i saw your post title. I love that song too!

Jessica - I’m fairly certain not many people read my blog these days. When I post my links on facebook only a couple people “Like” them. I’m kinda bummed about it, but I can see that blogs are kind of a time investment. I prefer reading blogs, as they feel more connecting to me. I really don’t like Instagram at all, because it doesn’t give me much context or story behind the photo, the photos are so tiny, and I prefer the depth of the “big camera” and the larger photos. I don’t like that IG feels so trendy, like it’s where the “cool kids” go and so should everyone else. And, to me, it takes much more time to scroll through IG than it does to quickly run through my blog subscriptions. I wish more people blogged, and I wish more people read my blog!

Juliette - And here I am wishing I had a smartphone so I could get IG, lol! Seriously though, I have been wondering about my own blog since the start of the year…what do I really want out of it? I like the opportunity to share and discuss, but I don’t mind if my following is miniscule; it really doesn’t bother me. However, the wanting-IG thing makes me realize I would like some interaction…or at least a quick share of what’s to be seen. However, I think there’s also something to be said for an edited presence, no matter where you are online.

Tumblr…I just never get Tumblr. It feels too anonymous somehow I guess.

Interesting interesting.
I love your reference to Video Killed the Radio Star, haha! I got that the second I read your title! =D

skeller - yes. yes to all of it. I first noticed a bite out of the blogosphere with FB. And then another bite out of it with the advent/rise of Twitter. And then came Instagram – a game which only the iPhoners could play. I guess a whole bunch of bloggers must have been iPhoners :-}. I can still remember a couple years ago whining to a good friend that she NEVER blogged anymore and that she rarely picked up her real camera (which, to me, was the bigger travesty) … she said: Instagram. And me, with no cell phone at all, totally out of the “conversation”. And I also remember my husband being quite contemptuous of my desire to add even one more “social media” to my life – he didn’t seem to understand my “but all my friends are hanging out at a new playground and I don’t get to see them anymore” explanation. Anywhoo, all that rambling just to say, I do mildly mourn the seeming “backseat” demotion of blogging. I wish IG and Blogging were instead used as complementary pieces of the puzzle. I get very jittery/disturbed at “community-at-large” lifestyle changes that reflect a “texting” sensibility. Oh, and total pet peave: when IG-ers mostly/only post professional dslr (not appropriately labeled) pics to promote themselves – blech.

michelle - Taking a break from blogging and only instagramming was a good experience for me. I ended up tied to IG because I needed those everyday shots for my Project Life album. However, now that I’m back to blogging I’m very hesitant to post there. It’s like I am still defining what I want my blog to be and so I post in a limited way.

I still IG for PL.

The big shift that’s happened for me in the last few weeks is that I’ve pulled away from FB. I keep my account for my triathlon teammates and the kids schools (so I have some clue what’s going on) but I have pulled away from daily sharing there. I think my soul really craves what the blog can offer… more space to process and more detailed sharing.

I love your thoughts and I too think the IG, and other “short form” sharing platforms have really shifted the internet. But I sort of love it too because I feel like the “true bloggers” have stayed. It’s sort of like the masses who blogged “to be known” have left for the next cool thing and those left behind are the ones with “a heart for blogging.” I don’t mind if the blogging is less frequent than it used to be. It makes it easy to keep up to date reading. :)

Love you and I’m so grateful that we get to know each other and share our lives through the crazy internet. :)

Rebekah - I’ve been considering blogging again. But, for me, I want to start a whole new blog and leave some of my past readers behind so that I can fashion a more honest space. For a little while I actually had 2 blogs – my “family and friends” blog and one I wrote in “anonymously”. My tag line for the second blog was: Blogging is free. Psychiatrists are not. It was a place I could go and vent some frustrations without those particular frustrations being aware that I was posting about them. ; ) But then that space died because that’s all that went there – negativity – and it just felt all wrong. It was so good to let some of it out but I didn’t want to become that negative person. Anyhow, all that to say, maybe I’ll make another.

they day we visited big sur

Just south of the California costal towns of Monterey and Carmel, along the Pacific Coast Highway, lies a piece of paradise. My parents spent their honeymoon here in the early 1960′s. They spent their nights in a little row of cottages that have long since been torn down. Even though I had traveled through this place several times in my life, I had never stopped to actually explore. How this was so, I have no excuse. And it seems rather silly of me that I had never made a point of stopping and exploring because after coming here over the recent Mother’s Day weekend I vowed to return over and over again.

I took MANY photos on our visit in an effort to wrap my arms around the beauty of this place, but I am afraid they really do not fully represent the magnificence that is Big Sur. I am also afraid you are going to have be that family member who gets roped into viewing my vacation photo albums. I hope you do not mind. :)

Oh, and if you stick with me, near the end is really grainy cropped photo of a whale that we saw cruising near the shoreline. Again, my attempt to wrap my arms around the beauty of this place…

There are many viewing stops along this stretch of the PCH. And you can’t just stop at one, you feel the need to stop at all of them.

Tourists, just like me. (I shared similar iphone shots of the above and below photos on Instagram.)

My son found this rocky perch and created a little seating area. The fact that he is in this photo with me, smiling, is proof that he does love his mama!

So there’s a story about the photo below. In January I was in a photo art gallery in Carmel that was dedicated to photographers who strictly shot in film. I fell in love with a photo by an amazing photographer, Robert Taylor who photographed a slice of the Big Sur shoreline with his very large medium format camera. The photo in the gallery was massive, and amazing and I put it on my bucket list to purchase the print (the print alone was like $1200) someday and hang it in my home. So after our visit to Big Sur I came home and was scrolling through my own photos and this one below seemed familiar. I found the Robert Taylor print online and compared them. It was the same slice of Big Sur. This is a very popular spot for photographers so I am not surprised, but I am still longing to own Mr. Taylor’s print. There is something about his black and white and the quality of the film print over the digital. Someday….

My family has a thing for dune jumping…

Can you spot the whale?

I know, a random palm tree. That’s what I thought. A palm tree isn’t really native to this stretch of the coastline. It was imported here by an heiress who built a home on this mountain side. I’m standing on the remains of her patio looking out at her private beach. Seriously, can you imagine owning a slice of heaven?

Now can you see why I am vowing to return to this place?

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michelle - I can’t even begin to tell you how these feed my soul. I am breathless having just looked at all of these and imagining the breeze and the feel of the warm sand. Seriously, I’m on the edge of tears. I’m so happy your family gets to live in such an amazing place. I can only imagine. The photo that we saw in the gallery… I have never contemplated spending thousands of dollars on art BUT that photo was worth every single penny! I remember being mesmerized in that gallery. I want you to own that photo so I can come sit in your house and get lost in it. :)

Love all of these.

Heather - Will you take me there some day? It looks amazing. So many gorgeous photos, Tracey. And I remember how much you loves that print. Your version is equally as stunning. :)

Roy Hovey - Yeah, why live so near the coast and not take it in regularly – glad you do. Lotta great shots in this set. Good!

stacey - It’s my third time today scrolling through these photos. Wow. Again, I can’t believe you live so close to this.
And I really do love the photos of you with your kids up on that perch.

skeller - seriously, stinkin’ AMAZING scenery! I could look at your family vacation album all day long. happily.

Rebekah - Next time you go, will you take me along, please? ; )

this week

I was subbing in a class this week and as I was directing the kids to clean the classroom for Open House I noticed a kid who was walking around, doing nothing, so I said to him, “D. You need to go clean your cubby because it’s a disaster.” And he looked at me and said, “I don’t clean.” So I said to him again, “You need to go clean you cubby out right now.” And he said to me, “I don’t clean.” I looked him with my stern teacher eyes and said, “Today is the first day of your ever-lovin’ cleaning life.” (He cleaned.)

I listen to “Girl’s Just Wanna Have Fun” a gazillion times because Bean is participating in her school’s variety show with a few of her girlfriends and she feels the need to practice every second of the day even though the show is in two weeks.

I almost passed out when I saw an Instagram photo of giant smooshed black widow. I’ve lectured people on this foul use of Instagramming before. I am not sure I can take it anymore. I am beginning to develop a Insta-scrolling phobia.

We had a plumber come out to see what was wrong with our toilet. Tree roots had grown up through the bathroom floor under the toilet and back down into the pipes. I’d show you a photo, but then you would regret it.

I tried on some running shoes at a store and came home to buy them on Amazon because I had a gift card and some credit but Amazon did not carry the color I wanted.

I walked out to my car one afternoon and discovered a big fat lizard, with half of a tail, sitting in the middle of my garage floor. (I’m serious, something is GOING ON!!)

Bean asked me if I wanted to lay in bed and watch cute kitty videos on youtube and I turned her down.

My husband’s car did not pass its smog test. Of course. Because I have $500 to fix the problem.

I incurred a late fee on my husband’s car registration because of said smog-passing issue.

I let my son drink the left over garage sale/bake sale pink lemonade for breakfast.

I tried a free work-out video this week. Could not walk for days.

Bean told me that we don’t have enough Jello in the house.

I forgot to renew Bean’s library books.

I burnt egg on the stover burner.

I disappointed some people.

I forgot to take my vitamins.

I longed for summer.

I slept horribly.

I paid bills.

I cried.

 

I overexposed this photo.

 

 

 

 

 

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Heather M. - i love this. makes me feel so much more connected to you hearing about your week, the little details that made it up. miss you!

janet - Ha! I hear ya..when it rains, it pours. I hope the rest of your week went well.
I was looking at the wolf spider on my tablet and had my eyes mostly shut as each picture opened..my daughter told me I really didn’t want to look at it.

Colleen - Hugs! I think I had the same week here… Here’s to a reset this weekend and a week full of awesomeness next week!!

stacey - I did yoga for the first time in months on Monday. I’m still grimacing when I walk.
Hope you have a restful weekend. xo

Rebekah - Oh, T. But now it’s the weekend!

michelle - I’m going to the store this afternoon to buy new shoes and will learn from your experience.

Also, jello is weird.

;)

erika - I see 2 photos in this post.:)

skeller - some weeks are like that. I feel your pain.

oh, and can you send me some of that stern-teacher-look? my house is a mess. and i need to clean. but goshdarnit, the cleaning takes so long and gets undone so fast …

tunneling

I do not know where I heard this piece of wisdom regarding friendship, but it has stuck with me for years…

When faced with a conflict or a rough patch, a true friend is someone who is willing to go under the surface of the issue and travel through the tunnel with you to sort out, and own, the hard stuff. That friend is willing to do what it takes to come out of the other side with you.

This image for me has always come to mind when my husband and I have hit a rough spot, or when I am nervous about sharing my feelings with a dear friend for fear of creating waves, or hurting her feelings. I am a big peace maker; I love me some good harmony. Ugh, I do not enjoy conflict, or creating it. However, conflict sometimes finds me because, frankly, relationships are made up of imperfect people. How can anything with flaws run seamlessly?

So, when a conflict does confront me, say in my marriage, or in a close friendship I think of this tunnel image and I ask myself:

Am I going to be a person who is willing to go through the tunnel and emerge from the other side?

Am I willing to be the person who does the hard, grueling work of owning her stuff, apologizing, or sharing my feelings?

I have a handful of people in my life in which time and history have proven that when we do hit those tunnel moments, scary as they may be, we have emerged healthier and wiser and more connected than before. And so when those times do arise I remind myself that their hearts hold nothing but love for me. Though our feelings may seem yucky at the moment, I can trust their hearts and their good intentions. Ultimately it is their love for me that compels them to work things out, whatever it takes.

 

Sadly, there has also been a couple of times in my life in which a friendship’s tunnel journey has never ended. The two of us are caught spinning our wheels, unable to emerge. The issues grow blurry. We give up. Or one of us gives up. Or one of us is emotionally unable to work her/his stuff out to the point where we can exit stronger and healthier. It’s a painful experience to admit that a relationship has failed to survive the darkness of a tunnel.

Over the last several months I have shared these very thoughts with my Bean. The girl drama crap stuff at school has finally touched her shores and interrupted her happy elementary school years. I have had to log in plenty of over-time hours listening to her vent and cry, offering her arms of comfort….and holding my tongue. Lordy, I cannot tell you how hard it is to not play mama bear. Trying to explain the reality of relationships to my little ten year old girl seems somehow so unfair. (Can’t we all just be happy and play Barbies and color in our coloring books?) But I do want her to know this stuff now, not when she is stuck in a toxic relationship with a boyfriend, or roommate, or marriage partner.

It has been hard on this mama watching her hurt over things that have been done to her unfairly. It has been hard watching her make choices and navigate relationships, finally confessing to herself and to me that she is unhappy with some friendships, hurt, confused. I have watched her work hard at being that person who is willing to enter the tunnel and yet be met with rejection. Which becomes another teachable moment: sometimes a person’s crap stuff is so stinky that she is incapable of knowing how to move through the tunnel with you. In those cases, sometimes you unfairly become the object of gossip, manipulation, and petty emotional game playing. I confess, there have been times in which I have just wanted to move away and let her start over. It would just be so much easier. Or so I’d like to believe.

I am fully aware that the relational lessons I am attempting to teach my Bean are ones that I am still learning myself. I have to stop and realize that the girls around her are exactly that–they are ten and eleven year old girls. And to expect adult-size maturity from all of them is pretty unreasonable. (I keep reminding myself of this when I hear about the petty stuff they argue over.) But something amazing has happened to my Bean as we near the end of this school year. It is something that has profoundly moved me and taught me.

As I watch her working hard at being a healthy friend–facing rejection, standing up to manipulation, remaining neutral in the gossip zone, attempting to stay out of other’s problems–I have seen her grow like a weed, emotionally and mentally. She blows me away with her ability to observe what is going on below the water line of the relationships around her. She plops in the car after school and shares with me her day, her problems, and she frequently beats me to articulating the underlying issues. Some might say that she learned this stuff from me, but honestly she has had this 6th sense every since she could talk. Even though I have seen her fumble her way through, make some blunders, I wish I had half of her wisdom when I was her age.

 

Her tunneling has taught me two things:

A friend is someone who does not wait to see if the other will enter the tunnel first. A friend takes the first scary step. (I have seen her take some scary steps.)

And more importantly:

The experience of the relational tunnel is never wasted…even if you are the only one who emerges from it. (Her growth is proof of this.)

 

How humbling to be taught these truths by the example of my ten year old daughter.

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Stephanie Morgan - Well written as always. So scared to be raising a girl! Actually….scared to be raising a boy too:)

Heather - Yes. This is so good. Thank you for doing hard work with her and in yourself. You are both so fortunate to have each other. And I may be calling you in a couple years for more of your wisdom.

Melissa Romero - Raising my own 10 yr old girl and praying for the same wisdom you write of. It ain’t easy…

andrea - great post, T! girl drama is just plain crappy. and sadly, it never ends – and in my experience it just seems to get worse as we get older. the stay-at-home-mom crowd drama is downright pathetic. worse than junior high and high school, IMHO.
we escape the drama when we walk away from it. at least that’s what i tend to do.
because of the drama – i don’t have a ton girlfriends and i’m pretty okay with that. it’s lonely at times, but better than the drama. and i’ve always gravitated towards friendships with guys – they just say it all like it is; no drama. maybe it’s because i grew-up with a brother?…who knows.
i’m getting braver about getting honest with drama folks. i try to give a shot at working it out. it tough stuff. at any age.
sounds like Bean has a good grasp of what’s going on and a strong sense of self. i think the latter is a huge key to moving past it all or “rising above it.”
i can honestly say i won’t miss the girl drama part of not having a girl. ;) (though i will miss the pedicures and girl talk and coffee, etc.) but i’m sure boys have their own crap to deal with, which i will know nothing about! ACK!
(sorry for the novel…)

laura - love this. that is all…

Grammy - Yes, she is one wise, introspective monkey-do. Lots of prayers holding her up! xoxo